The eyes of Thomas…
The next three entries will focus on what happened two millennia ago. I tried to imagine what it would be like to be in the shoes of different people surrounding Jesus during the Passion narrative. What were they thinking and feeling? If I found an old journal entry written by the apostle Thomas, I imagine reading something like this….. (Context: John 13 & 14)
Today was a weird day. It all started with Jesus washing our feet, and then kept making all of these references as if he was leaving us. But we were just getting to know each other and there were so many more people who had not heard him. Sure we have travelled throughout Galilee and Judea, but there is so much more and his message is great! Today he spoke about going to his Father’s house to prepare a place for me and he promised to come back to take me with him. But I didn’t understand where he’s going, so I asked him, “Where are you going and how am I supposed to know the way?” He replied with one of his fancy answers that are so hard to understand: “I am the way the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you really knew me, you would know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him.” I felt more confused after he answered the question. How have I seen his Father and how do I know him? I know he is the way and truth, but what does he mean by life?
The time I have spent with Jesus has definitely rocked my world and I have done things I never thought I would do. He has reached out to people who I used to ignore when they walked by. He has hugged people I could barely stand near because the smell was so overwhelming. And he looks at you with a love that I have never experienced before. And man is he patient with us! We ask him stupid questions over and over again, and he’ll always sit down, smile and give us a greater explanation than we expected. My favorite part is when the Pharisees try to trap him with a question, because they think they are so smart, and he always surprises us all with his intelligent answers and stumps us with his figurative language.
I thought I was getting better at understanding his crazy examples until today. He kept talking about going to the Father soon, but then after a little while, I will see him again. Where is he going? Why is he leaving? I was scared to ask so I nudged Peter to say something. He always opens his mouth, but he wouldn’t ask. However, Jesus knew we were confused so he sat down and explained again how we will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. Now is our time for grief, but when we see him again we will rejoice. Is he really leaving us? Is this really it? Is it over? I have given my life for him. I have left everything I knew to be normal to follow him and now he’s leaving. I’m not ready for him to go. I don’t want to do this alone. I can’t.
Have you ever felt any of these emotions?
Have you acted like you understood what the Bible was saying, but you ended more clueless than before? Even in hindsight, it is sometimes hard to have 20/20 vision of what happened so long ago.
There are often things we don’t understand even if it seems like we should. Sometimes the risk we need to take is to lean into those questions and authentically ask Jesus what He is trying to say, just as Thomas did. God may speak to us directly through His Word, through an experience in our life, or through the words of other people. Instead of ignoring the questions, is God calling you to take the risk of approaching Jesus with authenticity?
- Tatum Lehman