book. babies. bank account.
A couple of weeks ago, I sat around a table with my growth group eating Thai food. When it was my turn to update everyone on my life, I shared a couple of pleasantries and then settled into what was really on my heart.
I’ve been working on a book—my first book—for what seems like an eternity. In fact, in the time it has taken me to write this book, my growth group will have birthed five babies, finished two nursing programs, put on and taken off one set of braces, and completed one trip around the world. Finishing this dang book has been a long journey.
On the night when I met with my growth group, I was tired. Exhausted. At the end of my rope. On zero. Had nothing left. I had two infants at home and a book deadline looming overhead, and I was scared and depleted.
“Please pray for me,” I half-begged. “I really need you guys right now.”
Since we’ve had our twins, it seems like the entire world has conspired together to be generous to us. Boxes of diapers, home-cooked meals, babysitting, photography, gifts upon more gifts, visits, prayers, offers to babysit . . . we have received every practical outpouring of love you can imagine. And, the truth is, we have needed all of it. Every last bit.
It’s hard to be in need. Even harder to ask for help. Harder still to receive.
The lesson in all of this really hit home when recently Steve and I had to borrow some money from a relative. In this economy, I’m sure that’s a fairly common tale. For us, it felt like a failing on some level as well as a desperately difficult thing to do.
We have both had to swallow our pride and acknowledge our very real need for help in this season . . . help in the form of prayers for a book . . . help in the form of life support for two babies . . . help in the form of money in a bank account.
It’s risky to show need. Whether the need is emotional or financial or any other kind, being “needy” is kind of passé and, well, burdensome. I want to be the kind of person who flies through life with answers and resources and decorum and brilliant ease. I want to be a “have,” not a “have not.” Well, all it takes is an overdue book, two babies, and a dwindling bank account to blow that strategy away.
Still, I have a choice. I can cover-up the depth of my need and miss an opportunity for true authenticity with myself, God, and others. Or, I can take a big risk and admit the truth: help needed. help wanted.
Do you have a safe place where you can vulnerably express your needs? What keeps you from asking for help? What is it like for you to receive from others?
Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2
Leeana Tankersley
March 18th, 2009 at 6:27 am
Wow, this one really hits home for me personally. Asking for help is a difficult thing to do because it causes others to see us in our imperfection. This month, I had to ask for help financially and it was one of the hardest thing that I had to do. I thought that I was a failure because I didn’t meet one of my financial needs and others around me, might judge me for this downfall. Luckly, I’ve been involved with a growth group since Jan 08 and it has challenged me in many walks in life, especially to break the walls and be in a place where I can express my needs and wants.
To receive help from others is a hard thing to do but that is where Christ calls us to do. When I personally try to do it all on my own without God’s help, it shows that I can trust nor have faith in him. But when I receive the help from others around me whether it’s prayer, advice, etc… It makes me feel good that I have a family that I can turn to when I need it the most.